28 September 2009

Change, they say !!

Change. Its easier said than done, isnt it? For me it is.
So, I have been quite happy with the almost uneventful state of my life for the past 2 years. By that I mean, once i got a job i really enjoyed doing, all i had to do was work, come home, read/cook/go out/etc, sleep and wake up to the the same thing all over again. I did not get bored doing it. I was relieved that life was finally what i call a bit stable, to the point of being boring, after the roller coaster ride it had been upto that point. When I came here, in a foreign land to study, I used to think I was doing such a courageous thing, living alone, being away from my family for the first time, taking care of myself, all on my own. But I realised this a few days back, that it was probably the easiest thing I have ever done. Staying alone. No one to take care of except yourself, making decisions that are least affected by other people's opinions or least connected to other people's lives. I didnt have to think twice if I wanted to take up a job in say Alaska. All I had to do was pack my bags and get going.
I do see a LOT of major changes in my life over the span of next 2-3 years, and the thought of these changes were freaking me outover the past few days, still is, to some extent. I am slowly approaching an age at which you are expected to "settle down" in life. You know, get married, start a family, start saving and those kind of grown up things. No, no im not getting married in the near future, for all the people who are at the edge of their seats with curiosity and holding their breath. But also, I cannot deny the fact, that vo din ab door nahi, when I'd be facing all these things. It was just few days back that I realised that it is going to be the hardest thing I'd ever do. It doesnt matter if your life partner is your best friend or a stranger you have met for about few hours. It just doesnt make any difference. It does not make a difference whether you really love that person, accept that person as he is, or someone you have met for a few hours, a few days perhaps before you were to decide whether that person is the one you want to live with the rest of your life. All that matters is there is going to be another person in your life, who will get attached to all your decisions, and the same applies for him too. Its just the way it is. You wouldnt call it a union or a marriage otherwise. Anyways, the thought of having to leave my comfort zone, has been making me restless. Why to take the plunge then, some would say. Thats because I want to, and just not taking the plunge for the fear of change is stupidity. I know worrying about these thing is senseless, because things always turn out the way we had never thought of. But still....

On an entirely different note: hats off to the people who have gotten married. I sincerely feel thats a very brave thing you have done. I mean, welcoming a person to be a part of your own family, thinking of him NOT in terms of perfect/imperfect, right/wrong, but just as someone who is now a part of you family. That takes some effort.

17 September 2009

three down, how many to go!?

Though this post is a few months late in appearing on the blog, I had written it at almost the right time. I shall still post it.

Just realised that its been exactly 3 years of my being in Amrika. august 1st 2006 was the day Neha set her first footsteps on the Amrikan soil. No, there is nothing great about it, as everyday, countless such people as me come and go from this country. but somehow i thought this was worth thinking about (if not worth mentioning). the time a foreign land was my home. and yes, at home i did feel.
did these 2 years "just fly by" or did the time take its own sweet time to chug by? well, for me, it has been a mixture of both. but come to think of it, i dont really remember now, me ever thinking time is going too slowly. i guess most part of these 3 have been quite eventful, mostly marked by good events and of course to average them out, a few bad ones too. i often feel i have experienced all the feelings a person should experience in his/her lifetime. Be it the awe of being so far away from home for the first time in life, the relief of feeling at home in this land, yet the occasional pangs of being away from 'my' land. the feeling of experiencing the first snow, the sheer beauty and purity of it, seeing the fall colours, i mean i never knew there were these awesome hues outside paintings. Then being with friends, the night outs, studying at night, sleeping at 4 in the mornings, waking up at 10, and then sleeping during the 10 am lecture. (ok, i admit, who am i kidding, i used to bunk most of the 10 am lectures...habits die hard;-)). cooking together, never knew cooking can actually be fun. going to career fairs to collect the freebies.
the exams. the movie sessions. walks in the campus. pizza bella. snow fights. placements. going to career fair hoping to make an impression. interviews. the sinking feeling that i would never get a job i could actually like. That horrible 'inferiority complex' that conquers me so easily. then a sliver of hope. the terrified me during the day long technical interview. wanting something i like so badly. i actually prayed to god. then the nerve cracking wait. OK, im not that worthless after all. someone wants me.
then the 'phew' feeling. being bit by the shopping bug. summer. bliss. love. thesis. again, sleepless nights. buying the india ticket. Home.
The work culture. Being in awe of such awesome and genius people. And being fortunate enough to work with them, learn with them. Troy-sickness. Settling into the 9-5 routine. Realising its not that bad and monotonous as everyone said it would be! Enjoying work. Getting paid. Travelling. Car woes (this has been an integral part of my life here and worth a mention!!). The horrible economic low (yes, it does set a gloomy mood around you). Another trip home. Realising it by the passing day the need and the want to go back home.
Well, I could go on and on, but I have kind of started getting the feeling that this post is slowing (or rapidly) turning boring. So I shall stop!