Madat kaun karne ko bol raha hai..(who is asking for your help), but is it SO hard to even wish well for someone??!!
Sorry if i sound suicidal or depressed or frustrated with life and people, because im not. I am leading a perfectly content, happy life (touchwood).
But the question posed in the first line, strikes me. it strikes me time and again. It strikes me when im at my happiest self. Ok, even i admit im insane and the authorities of the Yerwada hospital are on the lookout for me, but seriously, Why cant people wish well for others? Does it take a lot of your time and energy? or you have limited buffer to fill good wishes for. Even if this is true, why cant one just not wish at all? yaar atleast kisika bura mat chaho (atleast dont wish bad for anyone). I know, someones' wishing is not going to change anything for the person for who (or is it whom, according to Ross? ;)) it is wished. But still...
30 September 2008
19 September 2008
19 truths and a lie
I am not particularly feeling like working today...the morning 2 hours were spent on reading what McCain and Obama would do to stabilise the American economy. One thing is true for politicians anywhere...they simply do not understand Prevention is better than cure. Ok, so early morning went on the wall Stree Journal, followed by at least an hour of minimizing Minesweeper windows pretending to work. and now, im running out of things to pass time doing, So thought about coming and paying homage (my blog is dead according to me) to my blogpage. And as i said, i absolutely dont feel like working today. 2-3 days back my manager assigned me to a new project which would keep me busy for atleat 6 months, he said. The first thought that came to my mind was, Chalo ab 6 months ke liye toh job pakka hai. I feel like a total loser when i say this, but i guess every person working in america is i guess thinking on the same lines. However competant one might be, when such economic crisis strikes, and people start getting layed off left and right, circumstances force you to think along these lines. So, being just couple of days old on this new project, im in the process of setting up a background to start the actual process of making the thing work. So, the work load being managable for atleast this week, i hereby allow myself to blog from office.
Coming back to the title of this post:
1) It scares me to talk about myself in public. and i am very scared right now :-/
2) I like being with friends and people in general, but for some part of the day, i find it extremely necessary to be alone, by myself. its not something i like, but a necessecity. I feel suffocated if im not left alone for some time.
3) i am not ambitious. i would hate to turn into a workaholic. It scares me sometimes when im so engrossed in work that i forget my meals and forget to call home. Sure, i enjoy doing what i do, but i would hate to see it overpower the rest of my life. my outside-work life.
4) I can very easily laugh at myself. And it doesnt bother if people laugh at me. I dont know why this is the case, but something that i very much believe in is that as human beings, we all suck to some extent (and i suck to a great extent). It is quite senseless to laugh at others and look down upon others because more often than not, someone else is laughing at you and looking down upon you.
5) i had thought and would very firmly believe that i would never fall in love. rather, it would be absolutely impossible to like someone, care for someone, love someone, the way i love my family. This was proved wrong. in fact, i dont have any 'beliefs' now i feel, whatever i think, feel, believe in, is subject to change. I guess it is true for all people, but just that we dont realise it until it changes.
6) 2 years in the US, and iv still not turned into an alcoholic (im a good girl ;)), i still hate coke and anything that has pressurized Co2 in it, still love chocolates and still havent got the typical amrican accent. I was shocked at myself when my friend at work pointed out that ive started saying "khamaynds" instead of "kammands" (commands). I am seriously and conciously saying kammands now.
7) I hate Soft toys. Its not exactly hate, but just that i dont like them so much. the only ones i have are gifts from friends, and i like them because they are gifts.
8) im completely crazy about my DSLR and photography is something im seriously "studying" these days. The best way to learn photography is by observing others' photographs and using your imagination to try out different things with your camera.
9) i love travelling. well not the travel that is usually talked about- flights, 4-5 star hotels, comfort. No. The best way to get pleasure out of travelling is do be as crude and pre-historic as possible. going into the wilderness and exploring unexplored places, thats where nature is to be witnessed. I was totally shocked to see what we humans have done to the Niagara Falls.
10) i want to get lost once. Not like taking a wrong turn or a wrong exit. But, i want to get lost in the woods. That is half the part of one of my fantasies. the rest part (what i want to do after getting lost), well let me keep it to myself. I dont want to shock the few readers who read my blog.
11) i have a fetish for good smelling things. I dont like perfumes and scented candles and they give me headaches. I like the more lingering, natural fragraces and not overpowering ones. I dont like it when my clothes smell of garlic due to the heavy indian cooking. I make a great deal of fuss, which infuriated my mom to a great extent while she was here, to ventilate my small Studio and drive all the food-smell out.
12) I absolutely hate shopping for clothes. I will give credit to my mom for taking me clothes-shopping with her-it is responsible in making me the very patient person that i have turned out to be. In fact, i hate shopping for anything. Be it clothes, shoes, bags. The shopping bug does bite me for like once every year, and i will shop like crazy for a day, but then thats it.
13) I like to cook very complicated dishes. I wont cook for the whole week, but cook super-duper recipe, a 'shaahi' dish on weekend. Last weekend i made malai kofta from an online recipe, and it exhausted me so much that i didnt cook for the next 2 weeks. FYI, the dish had turned out to be 'amazing' in my words, 'not-bad' in my mom's words, 'haha' in my sister's words who is in india and didnt taste it. And later on 'really!??' in S's words, who does not believe i cook.
14) i sleep a LOT. and i like sleeping.
15) i can eat chocolates for lunch and dinner. As the main course i mean. I have often done that. You will understand if you are a vegetarian at a typical american barbeque picnic, where you have nothing but burgers (which are by default chicken, unless specified otherwise) and the veggie burgers are edible only for the first time. So after a year of grad life, and surviving many such picnics, iv turned into a choccie (like veggie/non-veggie) :-/
It is this habit that is responsible in increasing my perimeter, area and volume.
16) I have got a lot of inertia. Not because of my size, as you might think. Or maybe because of that. It takes a LOT of motivation, enthusiasm or any other trigger available to get me started on any new thing or stop me from doing a particular thing i have been doing, be it going to the gym, preparing a meal, getting out of bed, going for work and even stopping my work and coming back home.
17) i love driving. i prefer being the driver rather than sitting behind and enjoying the scenery.
18) I am not a confused person as my friends think i am. Back in college i was known for being always confused about stuffs and putting these wierd expressions on my face when in doubt. But to all those people i un-intentionally fooled, I am pretty much clear in my mind about most of the things. How that gets portrayed as confusion is still a mystery to me.
19) The only thing till now, that has given me the 'adrenaline rush' were the rides at 6-flags (its this awesome awesome chain of amusement parks with these awesome awesome rides. Not the merry go round type rides in Appu ghar where people feel dizzy and puke after a round of ride, but the super duper crazy roller coasters which go in all possible axes, all possible directions at high speeds). That is one place im surely going to miss if i leave US. It is one of my crazy dream to go and visit all the 6-flags in the US. For records, people who are fond of these crazy rides, you should make it a point and go visit the six flags at LA. The biggest of all 6-flags. That was one of the most exciting days of my life, i must say!
20) there is a lie in one of these 20 point i made about myself. Can you guess which?
Phew.
The longest post till date?
signing off- neha
Coming back to the title of this post:
1) It scares me to talk about myself in public. and i am very scared right now :-/
2) I like being with friends and people in general, but for some part of the day, i find it extremely necessary to be alone, by myself. its not something i like, but a necessecity. I feel suffocated if im not left alone for some time.
3) i am not ambitious. i would hate to turn into a workaholic. It scares me sometimes when im so engrossed in work that i forget my meals and forget to call home. Sure, i enjoy doing what i do, but i would hate to see it overpower the rest of my life. my outside-work life.
4) I can very easily laugh at myself. And it doesnt bother if people laugh at me. I dont know why this is the case, but something that i very much believe in is that as human beings, we all suck to some extent (and i suck to a great extent). It is quite senseless to laugh at others and look down upon others because more often than not, someone else is laughing at you and looking down upon you.
5) i had thought and would very firmly believe that i would never fall in love. rather, it would be absolutely impossible to like someone, care for someone, love someone, the way i love my family. This was proved wrong. in fact, i dont have any 'beliefs' now i feel, whatever i think, feel, believe in, is subject to change. I guess it is true for all people, but just that we dont realise it until it changes.
6) 2 years in the US, and iv still not turned into an alcoholic (im a good girl ;)), i still hate coke and anything that has pressurized Co2 in it, still love chocolates and still havent got the typical amrican accent. I was shocked at myself when my friend at work pointed out that ive started saying "khamaynds" instead of "kammands" (commands). I am seriously and conciously saying kammands now.
7) I hate Soft toys. Its not exactly hate, but just that i dont like them so much. the only ones i have are gifts from friends, and i like them because they are gifts.
8) im completely crazy about my DSLR and photography is something im seriously "studying" these days. The best way to learn photography is by observing others' photographs and using your imagination to try out different things with your camera.
9) i love travelling. well not the travel that is usually talked about- flights, 4-5 star hotels, comfort. No. The best way to get pleasure out of travelling is do be as crude and pre-historic as possible. going into the wilderness and exploring unexplored places, thats where nature is to be witnessed. I was totally shocked to see what we humans have done to the Niagara Falls.
10) i want to get lost once. Not like taking a wrong turn or a wrong exit. But, i want to get lost in the woods. That is half the part of one of my fantasies. the rest part (what i want to do after getting lost), well let me keep it to myself. I dont want to shock the few readers who read my blog.
11) i have a fetish for good smelling things. I dont like perfumes and scented candles and they give me headaches. I like the more lingering, natural fragraces and not overpowering ones. I dont like it when my clothes smell of garlic due to the heavy indian cooking. I make a great deal of fuss, which infuriated my mom to a great extent while she was here, to ventilate my small Studio and drive all the food-smell out.
12) I absolutely hate shopping for clothes. I will give credit to my mom for taking me clothes-shopping with her-it is responsible in making me the very patient person that i have turned out to be. In fact, i hate shopping for anything. Be it clothes, shoes, bags. The shopping bug does bite me for like once every year, and i will shop like crazy for a day, but then thats it.
13) I like to cook very complicated dishes. I wont cook for the whole week, but cook super-duper recipe, a 'shaahi' dish on weekend. Last weekend i made malai kofta from an online recipe, and it exhausted me so much that i didnt cook for the next 2 weeks. FYI, the dish had turned out to be 'amazing' in my words, 'not-bad' in my mom's words, 'haha' in my sister's words who is in india and didnt taste it. And later on 'really!??' in S's words, who does not believe i cook.
14) i sleep a LOT. and i like sleeping.
15) i can eat chocolates for lunch and dinner. As the main course i mean. I have often done that. You will understand if you are a vegetarian at a typical american barbeque picnic, where you have nothing but burgers (which are by default chicken, unless specified otherwise) and the veggie burgers are edible only for the first time. So after a year of grad life, and surviving many such picnics, iv turned into a choccie (like veggie/non-veggie) :-/
It is this habit that is responsible in increasing my perimeter, area and volume.
16) I have got a lot of inertia. Not because of my size, as you might think. Or maybe because of that. It takes a LOT of motivation, enthusiasm or any other trigger available to get me started on any new thing or stop me from doing a particular thing i have been doing, be it going to the gym, preparing a meal, getting out of bed, going for work and even stopping my work and coming back home.
17) i love driving. i prefer being the driver rather than sitting behind and enjoying the scenery.
18) I am not a confused person as my friends think i am. Back in college i was known for being always confused about stuffs and putting these wierd expressions on my face when in doubt. But to all those people i un-intentionally fooled, I am pretty much clear in my mind about most of the things. How that gets portrayed as confusion is still a mystery to me.
19) The only thing till now, that has given me the 'adrenaline rush' were the rides at 6-flags (its this awesome awesome chain of amusement parks with these awesome awesome rides. Not the merry go round type rides in Appu ghar where people feel dizzy and puke after a round of ride, but the super duper crazy roller coasters which go in all possible axes, all possible directions at high speeds). That is one place im surely going to miss if i leave US. It is one of my crazy dream to go and visit all the 6-flags in the US. For records, people who are fond of these crazy rides, you should make it a point and go visit the six flags at LA. The biggest of all 6-flags. That was one of the most exciting days of my life, i must say!
20) there is a lie in one of these 20 point i made about myself. Can you guess which?
Phew.
The longest post till date?
signing off- neha
10 September 2008
Obituary...
Acadia cruiser was one hell of a bike. sHe served me well for a short span she was with me. my faithful companion when i used to bike my way 8-9 miles each day to and from office for few weeks. she was my only companion then. She is gone, probably got a new master, but her spirit continues to live..accompanies me, when i drive my car to office now. She had a major role in making me fit, active and enjoy biking. She was also responsible for giving me sore thighs and a sore ass. But, in her i found a relentless spirit, never tiring, never letting the air go off, always rolling.
I wish she is happy wherever she is. But i do wish the person who stole my bike, never enjoys his/her rides. Let Acadia give him/her a hard time whenever he/she rides. Afterall, it was my baby, my love, and no one had the right over it but me.
In fond memory, i owe you a lot.
survived by Her master and companion(neha) and family.
june 4th 2008- sept 2nd.
PS: They call it a "developed" nation...pan actually ikadche lok titkech garib ahet :-/
I wish she is happy wherever she is. But i do wish the person who stole my bike, never enjoys his/her rides. Let Acadia give him/her a hard time whenever he/she rides. Afterall, it was my baby, my love, and no one had the right over it but me.
In fond memory, i owe you a lot.
survived by Her master and companion(neha) and family.
june 4th 2008- sept 2nd.
PS: They call it a "developed" nation...pan actually ikadche lok titkech garib ahet :-/
29 July 2008
no time for a title
For some reason, iv always, even as a child, been fascinated by heights, the vast expanse of oceans or rather 'vast-ness' of things in general...
i get this high, the 'adrenaline-rush' in me whenever i see the world from the top, like seeing the entire LA sprawled in front of my eyes when the tallest roller-coaster in six flags, LA reached its pinnacle, seeing boston from the skywalk observatory, and realising for the first time how beautiful the city is!! seeing new york from the empire state building...for me, these moments leave a special mark in my mind...more than the after effects, its that momentary thrill i get...more than the visual sight, its the feeling i remember when i think of these places.
I even find a weird sense of crazy joy when i go as far as i can into the ocean and stare at the unending expanse, the uncluttered view and stare at the thin line that connects the water and the sky, i somehow feel very powerful from within at these moments yet realising how powerful the nature is, and how meek we are in front of it. i may be totally at nature's mercy at these moments, but i feel like a person who is riding the tsunami!! The trip to the grand canyon was another exhilerating experience. I feel there is nothing 'beautiful' about the grand canyon other than a display of what nature can do...it completely bowled me over...looking at the symmetric patterns carved into the earth!!...and its HUGE!!
Why is it that i always get these thoughts, some random ramblings when i have some work to do? The stuff i am working on at the moment has reached a point when "dava ki nahi, dua ki jaroorat hoti hai". The workload pressure surely stimulates my blog-writing-hormones!!
erm, back to my work, music coming in through my headphones: Dhingana's top 10 list.
i get this high, the 'adrenaline-rush' in me whenever i see the world from the top, like seeing the entire LA sprawled in front of my eyes when the tallest roller-coaster in six flags, LA reached its pinnacle, seeing boston from the skywalk observatory, and realising for the first time how beautiful the city is!! seeing new york from the empire state building...for me, these moments leave a special mark in my mind...more than the after effects, its that momentary thrill i get...more than the visual sight, its the feeling i remember when i think of these places.
I even find a weird sense of crazy joy when i go as far as i can into the ocean and stare at the unending expanse, the uncluttered view and stare at the thin line that connects the water and the sky, i somehow feel very powerful from within at these moments yet realising how powerful the nature is, and how meek we are in front of it. i may be totally at nature's mercy at these moments, but i feel like a person who is riding the tsunami!! The trip to the grand canyon was another exhilerating experience. I feel there is nothing 'beautiful' about the grand canyon other than a display of what nature can do...it completely bowled me over...looking at the symmetric patterns carved into the earth!!...and its HUGE!!
Why is it that i always get these thoughts, some random ramblings when i have some work to do? The stuff i am working on at the moment has reached a point when "dava ki nahi, dua ki jaroorat hoti hai". The workload pressure surely stimulates my blog-writing-hormones!!
erm, back to my work, music coming in through my headphones: Dhingana's top 10 list.
22 July 2008
how about some politics?
I generally keep my political opinions to myself and prefer listening to people rather than stating my opinions when it comes to politics. But for once, i was truly happy when the UPA won the vote of confidence. For one, our PM, Manmohan Singh is one of my favorite politicians. I mean ok, chosing a favorite politician is like chosing from among a mob of bad people who is better among them all, but still, I do like him, as a person and as a politician. True, prices have risen during his regime, the middle class did bear the brunt, but then again, who can guarantee this wouldnt have happened if some other party was in power?!
The PM's reaction after the vote of confidence, especially this:
"http://timesofindia.indiatimes.com/Advani_called_me_nika
mma_PM_Manmohan/articleshow/3265909.cms"
is something i enjoyed reading. This is the way to get back (if you have to) at someone, rather than cursing the person or disrupting the parliament sessions.
But yes, im happy that the nuclear deal will atleast hopefully see light.
The PM's reaction after the vote of confidence, especially this:
"http://timesofindia.indiatimes.com/Advani_called_me_nika
mma_PM_Manmohan/articleshow/3265909.cms"
is something i enjoyed reading. This is the way to get back (if you have to) at someone, rather than cursing the person or disrupting the parliament sessions.
But yes, im happy that the nuclear deal will atleast hopefully see light.
30 June 2008
title?...cant think of one..
I love sleeping....
i do feel a pang of guilt when i see, hear people claiming there are more important things to do in life other than sleeping....important things to be accomplished, deadlines to be met, things that need to be taken care of, aims to be fulfilled....why waste time in sleeping?!!
well, for me, sleep is more than a necessity... i mean, i dont need to sleep, i love to sleep. The feeling when you hit the sack after a hard, gruelling day at work...well, that feeling is just awesome! i can, and do sleep for almost 14-15 hours at a stretch (though this is rapidly turning into an impossible dream these days..) sleep for like hours together, wake up, yawn endlessly, cuddle lazily in my super-cozy comforter, and then drift back to a sound sleep again...well this is my ideal way to spend my weekend (atleast one day of my weekend!!).
i guess i can be happy in life by just sleeping, watching movies, eating and travelling..... and i sometimes feel i really just want to do only this....why to work? why to slog over an interface that is refusing to give me the results i want...but then, it kind of scares me that i have such aims in life...that im not as ambitious as people around me.
I do enjoy my work, love doing what im doing...but...
i do feel a pang of guilt when i see, hear people claiming there are more important things to do in life other than sleeping....important things to be accomplished, deadlines to be met, things that need to be taken care of, aims to be fulfilled....why waste time in sleeping?!!
well, for me, sleep is more than a necessity... i mean, i dont need to sleep, i love to sleep. The feeling when you hit the sack after a hard, gruelling day at work...well, that feeling is just awesome! i can, and do sleep for almost 14-15 hours at a stretch (though this is rapidly turning into an impossible dream these days..) sleep for like hours together, wake up, yawn endlessly, cuddle lazily in my super-cozy comforter, and then drift back to a sound sleep again...well this is my ideal way to spend my weekend (atleast one day of my weekend!!).
i guess i can be happy in life by just sleeping, watching movies, eating and travelling..... and i sometimes feel i really just want to do only this....why to work? why to slog over an interface that is refusing to give me the results i want...but then, it kind of scares me that i have such aims in life...that im not as ambitious as people around me.
I do enjoy my work, love doing what im doing...but...
22 May 2008
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