14 July 2010

humor me, not

A friend of mine recently sent out a mail to our entire engineering class telling us about his decision of getting married in a few months. While I already knew about this news months back, some of my classmates did not know, and so there was a lot of teasing and leg pulling going on and I was laughing and in general feeling happy reading all the mails and the replies, when one e-mail just put me off. One guy, xyz, mailed the entire group congratulating the would-be-dulha and commented that "aur ek bakra bali chadh gaya". Now i read this mail 2 days back, and still cant erase this sentence from my mind. True, it was said in (good?) humor and in the flow and this guy didnt even imagine that this would piss anyone off, but it really pissed me off.
How can this sentence "aur ek bakra bali chadh gaya" be true, even in humor, when statistically there are greater number of women 'unhappy' in marriage, greater number of women 'abused' (physically/emotionally) in marriage and greater number of women filing for divorces in a marriage?!! This is the condition, i know of, in India atleast. So why make such comments that someone is being a bali ka bakra, or bali ki bakri by marrying?! It pains me even to hear such jokes. I wish i could go cool my head somewhere. :|

9 comments:

pRasad said...

I personally don't feel anything wrong... According to you , why should guys be called Bali ka bakra(scapegoat).. Guy looses all his freedom, fun of bachelor life.. his responsibilities increases & blah blah.. So..That applies to girl as well ..right??.. But then you girls also should start calling your would-be-married friend bali ki bakri :))

Neha said...

If you feel marriage takes away fun and freedom from you, and having responsibilities is something un-desirable, that you think of you being the scapegoat, then you should think twice before getting married!!
I dont think it is right in calling the act of getting married as "bali chadhna" either for guys or girls...even in humor.

Mansi said...

i couldn't agree more, personally!! i've myself always wondered at this rather "strange" indian outlook to a marriage...guys poke fun at other guys for getting married, guys family poking fun at the girls family over lame issues, while it is the girl who techinically gives up such a large part of her life to a marriage...
i'm truly glad to read this post..other girls feel the same way, that's a comfort!

indianhomemaker said...

It is also possible that some men really feel marriage is an end to their freedom and happiness - and are only marrying because their parents want them to get married. I feel sad for such couples... because the saddest thing it is the girl who loses a lot more. Her life, often her identity, freedom, personal space, friends and family ... all quite unnecessary ofcourse.

In a wedding I attended the groom was being teased by the brides' friends - by sticking notes like 'SOLD' on his jacket during 'pheras' - now wasn't that ironical? I wonder how many guys would like this joke? This is closer to truth than all the talk of loss of freedom for most Indian men.

Indian Home Maker said...

Sometimes guys also poke fun at other guys for showing any affection or respect for their spouse. Basically I think there is embarrassment in showing any real feelings...

Neha said...

The thing that bugs me the most is that almost all jokes portray that the guy is making a big sacrifice of some sorts... I have rarely seen girls making jokes that portray them to be making a sacrifice!! (even if they did, i would object that ;))

pRasad said...

Well.. I guess I am being misunderstood..

Like, Indianhomemaker wrote, the joke of SOLD tag is way beyond limit..

But, 'Bali Ka Bakra' is just a small teasing.. AND everyone know it should not be taken seriously... This does not mean either the guy who is teasing or the guy who is getting teased treat marriage as a BIG hurdle in their fun. The impact of this joke remains just for few seconds ..

If it's taken too seriously, one may find out various meanings out of it & get disturbed..

Even girl who is getting married gets teased , that now you will have to work a lot ...you will have to learn all cooking..no childishness nemore.. But, does that mean she works like servant after marriage?...

Neha said...

unfortunately in most of the cases, whatever the reasons you mentioned that girls get teased about turn out to be true! She does have to work a lot, she does have to act all mature and understanding, she does have to 'solely' do the cooking _and_ contribute to the living too! So the joke, my friend, is never a joke, but the truth!! Of course, we cannot say that all cases are such and all girls face this, but we are going statistically.
Also, as IHM mentioned , maybe instead of making such joke to show "affection" why cant we show affection in the old fashioned way, and why to show it at the expense of the partner?!

Devaki said...

You know, there was a time I would take such jokes seriously, delve deeper into their implications and fume! Nowadays, I don't.

While it's true such jokes propagate false stereotypes - but come to think of it, almost any of the popular jokes poke fun at someone or the other.

Moreover, folks who crack such jokes never delve deeper into their meaning, so why should we do that and waste our precious time fuming? That's my philosophy these days.